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Though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be white as snow. If you take one step towards God, He will take twenty toward you. You say you’re too far gone, but that’s another lie you tell yourself. You can say otherwise, and maybe other people will believe you, but you and I both know you’re lying. You make excuses for yourself and you blame your problems on other people.

You avoid the straight and narrow path in favor of the easy and comfortable one. You know what evil is, but you do it anyway. You know what good is, but you don’t do it. Good and evil are the realest and most obvious things you will ever see, and you recognize them on sight. You can talk in philosophy class about how subtle and complicated they are, but this is bullshit and you know it. To a first approximation, they only ever say three things:įirst, good and evil are definitely real. But prophets are neither new nor controversial. Ideologues tell you something controversial, like “we should rearrange society”. Self-help gurus do the same: “All you need to do is get the right amount of medium-chain-triglycerides in your diet”. The non-point-missing description of Jordan Peterson is that he’s a prophet.Ĭult leaders tell you something new, like “there’s a UFO hidden inside that comet”. Twelve Rules is something that could, in theory, work for intact human beings. But if you join the cult leaders you become a cultist, and if you join the ideologues you become the kind of person Eric Hoffer warned you about. This isn’t unprecedented – there are always a handful of cult leaders and ideologues making vague promises. The thinkpieces are people pointing out a gap. Twelve Rules isn’t another such thinkpiece. The vague plea that we get something better than this. If written from the left, something about people trying to use consumer capitalism to fill the gap if written from the right, something about people trying to use drugs and casual sex. The fact that in the end all these material goods do not make us happy. The limitless material abundance of modern society.

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These all go through the same series of tropes. So what’s the point?Ībout once per news cycle, we get a thinkpiece about how Modern Life Lacks Meaning. The science in this book leans a bit Malcolm Gladwell, but if you think of him as a scientist you’re missing the point. The politics in this book lean a bit right, but if you think of Peterson as a political commentator you’re missing the point.

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When he says the Bible stories are guides to how to live, you feel tempted to change your life goal to fighting Philistines. When he says that God is the force for good inside each of us, you can feel that force pulsing through your veins. But for some reason, when Peterson writes about it, it works. This is the only thing even more cliched than the Old Religion. Jordan Peterson is a believer in the New Religion, the one where God is the force for good inside each of us, and all religions are paths to wisdom, and the Bible stories are just guides on how to live our lives.

When Lewis writes about Heaven you can hear harp music when he writes about Hell you can smell brimstone. Sin becomes so revolting you want to take a shower just for having ever engaged in it.

What could be less interesting than hearing that Jesus loves you, or being harangued about sin, or getting promised Heaven, or threatened with Hell? But for some reason, when Lewis writes, the cliches suddenly work. Lewis was a believer in the Old Religion, which at this point has been reduced to cliche. But guys, Twelve Rules For Life is actually good. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading me after this, or revoke my book-reviewing license, or whatever. Or if not the lobster thing, then the neo-Marxism thing, or the transgender thing, or the thing where the neo-Marxist transgender lobsters want to steal your precious bodily fluids.īut, uh…I’m really embarrassed to say this. I got Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules For Life for the same reason as the other 210,000 people: to make fun of the lobster thing.